Journal Entry: Management Speak

[kerr_avon]

Talked to the idiot manager today. More wasted hours of my day that I will never be able to get back. But on the bright note, completed the third rule of idiotic project management.

Crash Course in Management Speak

"I don't totally disagree with you, but..."
     translation = You may be right, but I don't care. We're going to do it my way.
"You have to show some flexibility." 
     translation = You have to do it whether you have to or not.
"We have to leverage our resources." 
     translation = You're working weekends.
"Wrong answer." 
     translation = I don't care what the right answer is. You didn't tell me what I want to hear.
"We want you to be the executive champion of this project." 
     translation = I want to be able to blame you for my mistakes.
"I have never lied to you." 
     translation = My definition of truth changes constantly.
"Human resources." 
     translation = A bulk commodity, like lentils or troopers."
 

Comments

[vila_restal]

See, expression like "human resources" are what put me right off any form of work. I'm not a resource to be used, I'm a person! And I look after myself very well, thank you very much.

Ever considered self-employment with short hours and very high profits?

[kerr_avon]

I'm open to suggestions.

[vila_restal]

You're good at computers. Can't you move some electronic money around?

[kerr_avon]

Now that's an interesting idea. I would have to gain access to the Federation's Banking computers and get past their security. Let me think on this.